Ilene Proctor | July 12, 2023
Donald Trump: A Life Spent Failing Upwards Or, How Americans learned to Live and Love/Hate Trump's Suck-cesspool Policies
by Ilene Proctor
Illustration by Brett Covey
M ight as well face it, we are all living in a gas-lighted Trump world. Seems like only yesterday when I tightly clutched my pearls flying on Trump Errlines (sic) to the genuine fake Taj Mahal (sic) casino while munching on a tacky Trump stake (sic) while drowning myself with Trump Wasser (sic) and Russki Vodka (sic) all the while trying to evade the mad haters on his genuine fake Trump twitter feed. Meanwhile listing my house with my Trump Mortage (sic) now rated the #549,666.00 home lender in the world while wearing Trump Fashions oranginating (sic) in the Bangloadesh (sic), and Chinah (sic) sweat houses where everyone has yellow skins and works for peanuts..
But wait, I really didn't do any of those things. Do you think I want to brag I went to Trump University wear (sic) I maintained a T average while I horsed around with the most stable geniuses of all time, Donald J Trump?
No, because all of the above were co-cocked by the biggest maggot of all times who has run them all into the $^@*king ground.
Yet how does this bloviating whale of a male always seem to fail upwards?
Trump seems to defy all conventional wisdom. Conventional wisdom would have us believe that Trump’s pomposity would make him a fly in the ointment, his racism a wisp in the election wind, and his misogyny into a flash in the pan. Well, time has showed us that conventional wisdom is just an oxymoron for morons.
Trump has an amazing capacity for not only evading responsibility but then surviving and triumphing. Despite decades of various crimes, how does he not succumb to the mountain-high criminal indictments, arrests, and investigations that would mess with any mere mortal but ironically only makes Trump more popular among his followers? A real-life Martyr Hari.
Perhaps it is his mind over anything that matters that shelters the man from what should be the inevitable payoff for all his crimes. The power of his narcissism and sociopathy only strengthens him. His charisma intoxicates his cult and elected enablers to maintain the lie that it's all just political mumbo jumbo toward the Republicans' leading presidential candidate and likely nominee. Helping not hurting his resolve to win the presidency again is his belief that the GOP-led legislatures will continue to pass laws undermining voting rights, giving impetus to a proven loser that he doesn't have to actually win to regain power.
Trump’s a gifted grifter that plays a kind of a crypto spiritualism scheme. He figured out in 2016 that he could mish mash his political doomsday kibble of sex/marriage/white/male/Christian theocracy, guns, Obama/racial animus, hysteria, paranoia, and COVID fears that his grass route supporters need mixed with some well-chosen hate groups that would meld together and respond with resound every time he took to his political pulpit, where he would proclaim that all protesters were orchestrated by RINOS and liberal devils to destroy him.
Because he continues to be eye candy to the media, and anything he says is bait to his followers, he has become even more dangerous as the vise of justice draws nearer. Bent on retribution, his toxic tonsils are vomiting out ever more death threats against his adversaries, force feeding his agitated minions to become w serial hate letter writers or worse, mass murderers. With enough created chaos, nothing is certain, including democracy’s survival.
Trump can hold a master class in how to sidestep danger with his dance of diversions. He does the foxy trot over the lives of darker-skinned migrants taking away spouses, louses and jobs. He brags about a YUUUUUUUUGE job creation that’s never covered by the Fake News media perhaps because they really were piddling to puny numbers. He brags about his stellar by gaslight cabinet composed of the finest American people, all dedicated to making HIM, the smartest, kindest, handsomest and savviest man God ever created.
Suddenly awoken, his former fawners Tillerson, Kelly, Pruitt. Zinke, Burr, Masters and more, Trump is now as popular with them as bubonic plague with a side of syphilis.
And so it is. As the world waits for The Revelation that this stink bomb Ex President Donald J. Doofass is the worst thing that ever happened to America, he will always fail upward, until he can’t cant anymore.